AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
