I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
did i walk over a car last night?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
