I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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