you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize