I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
