After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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