Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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