omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
