ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
