the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
