You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
