I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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