dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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