just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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