At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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