I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
