i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
