About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
