he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
