he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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