I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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