Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
