Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
