That's intense
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
