Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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