I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
