Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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