thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize