It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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