nutella sex= disaster
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
