So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
