She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
