just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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