# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I met the friendliest cop last night
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
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