Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
