It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
