it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
