I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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