i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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