There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
