she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
