i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Randomize
