I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
