is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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