That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
