An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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