Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
