Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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