I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
