Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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