i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
