There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
