there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
