Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
