Me too!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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