Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Pants are for mortals
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