i can't believe i had my finger in that
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
