Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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