How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I am one with the molecules
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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