It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
