lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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