Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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