fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
