hell yes lets make some ravioli
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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