Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
