I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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