today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
