I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
