He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
