Who did Billy Mays play for?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
