I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
