im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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