I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
