More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We don't watch enough power rangers
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize