why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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