i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
