I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
