i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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