Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
