You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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