you would pick up someone in the library
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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