We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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