I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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