these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
