can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I pour the whiskey from now on
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
