maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
