I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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