we have pet lesbian snakes
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
even my farts smell like vagina
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
