You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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