Where is the hickey?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
