so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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