Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
