I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
