Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
