party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Can you bring me the toilet please
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
