we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I touched a dick in church today
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
