he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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